Greetings, Blamers and fan. It’s Kyle here from the Chicago headquarters of our NGBLO (Non-Governmental Blamers Organization). Just finishing up some undergraduate final papers on the Moroccan economy at the old biblio. And when I’m finished with this tomorrow I will proceed straight to Pat’s room to record as many songs as I can before I get on that plane to the Middle East, insha’a Allah.

But I am writing today about something different, oh my brothers and only friends. I perchanced to notice this article in one of its various forms yesterday. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1109/29574.html

As we all know, the Obama administration has been working to close Gitmo, one of the great hate-fueling symbols of American imperialism. And the great state of Illinois, brothers, has offered to the federal government a noble proposition. Governor Quinn and Senators Durbin and Burris have shown their approval for the small town of Thompson to open their cell doors to up to a hundred Gitmo inmates.

According to the Tribune, imprisoning these people in Illinois would bring thousands of jobs and hundreds of millions of dollars to the ruined-forever economy. However, since this is a matter of national security, every Republican in the state has been up in arms about this proposal.

“As home to America's tallest building and her busiest airport, this is not a risk we should impose on Illinois families,” Representative Mark Kirk said.

Kirk, who has taught Advanced Fear Mongering at Peoria Community College should be ashamed of himself for probably thousands of political reasons. But let’s give him props for not spouting the old “but the terrorists will definitely break out of our prisons and rape your mothers and daughters” argument. This argument has been used by countless politicians on both sides of the aisle. It is also a hollow threat because anyone with half a brain knows that our prison system has been pretty air tight since they implemented the 1935 law that says you can’t leave laundry carts unattended.

Representative Kirk chose the “evoke another 9/11” route. And he added the extra flair of having us all imagine the Sears Tower (or Willis Tower now? Big Willie?) attacked by an airplane. Thanks, douche. That probably just bought you about ten thousand fear-votes for 2010. Let’s examine this tautological argument briefly: We can’t jail terror suspects in Illinois because they’ll just attack Chicago. So let’s leave them at Guantanamo, a symbol for the USA, at which point Chicago gets bumped down to third on the hit list.

You’ll notice that Kirk, or any other Illinois GOP rep, never mentions the economy in any of this. See, the economy, to Republicans, is always a separate entity from anything besides tax cuts or privatization. And national security is not something to be taken seriously, it’s just something else that can be used to scare your constituency into voting for you.

Ape Man (Build It Faster)

All that was left was just a simple choice
And I had not been allowed to mate yet
Surely I could've had what I did want
Consider the masters of the school yard I used to know

Build it faster, Start over again
Bring all on hand each and every friend

Everyday that passed that I was still a kid
I got to feel more and more like an ape man
I wish that I was hairy and big and tall and strong
I should've been a challenger maybe got some good grades


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Ambien Is The New Acid

He was asleep when he recorded this!

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A Nietzschian Presentiment

The radio quietly spun a crackled web of quiet ululations. We were driving along somewhere in Illinois or Texas. It was a red pickup truck – old and beaten, had character. You had the wheel and I sat passenger side. We had just visited a repair shop filled with rusty parts of old farm equipment and strange antiques from between the Civil War era and the Great Depression. The man there said "about fifteen minutes". We decided not to wait, however, as fate had other things in store for us that mystically calm afternoon. So there we were, driving along that smooth county road. Our intended destination did not matter.

I believe we were heading east but I can't be sure because the sun had literally been discarded by the sky. Well, not really, but the clouds rolled in like wild horses on heroin chasing after the Cherokee god of grace and humility. The sky got dark, Koop. And from the northwest we spied four or six raging, spinning, fearless tornados – darker than the depths of a shower drain in a backwoods jail - and dirtier too. The closest one was a mile away, maybe less. These twisters showed no signs of growing weak and they seemed to be gaining on us. You stepped on the accelerator and we approached an on-ramp to the main interstate. Gridlock! The worst traffic this side of the Dan Ryan!

“Those clear twisters are getting really close to us. It’s them we gotta worry about”, you said. Clear twisters?, I thought. What in the heck are – SHHHWOOOOSH. The concept became straight forward. Clear twisters are real. They are the albino cousins of the black, brown, and gray tornados I had been familiar with; and they are just as destructive. One was currently battling down on our truck. It descended from directly above us. I looked up and saw the faintest outline of a tornado – one constructed only of violently circulating air. Our truck was shaking and the traffic jam made escape impossible. Debris began striking the windshield – perhaps it was the broken glass that made us take flight from our little red sardine can. No, I remember now, it was indeed the deluge that had befallen our forsaken highway. In that moment it was not clear where all that water was flooding in from. At this point in the afternoon, however, dismissing it as an act of God would have been childish. The tornados had probably destroyed a nearby dam.

You and I are strong swimmers, Josh. We were saved from the twisters provided we could keep up with the rapids. To swim against the current was the key to survival as the diluvian tides wanted to bring us back to the destruction behind us. There was a tall tree – or a concrete overpass a few yards ahead of us. It took five minutes to reach and we clung to it, the water grabbing and pulling at our legs. There we meditated upon further ideas.