Wednesday, December 30, 2009

How The Blamers Came To Be and Saved The Lone Dervish...

This story is completely true, and we all have one.

There is a band that runs all around us - a ring of land on the horizon. You can try, but no star or map will get you there. However, if you find yourself in the middle of the ocean or lose yourself on top of a building, you may spy a line nestled between the earth and sky. Some say it is Shangri-La. Others call it the Island of Orange-Peel Birds. Its true name is only pronounceable with the soft pad of a pilgrim's shoe. There, the ground is made of canvas, all the trees sing off-key, the rocks can speak, lakes can see and cardboard boxes are yours for free. Of course, you will have to pay a shipping fee.

Forty dervishes walk in place along the isle's shore; the world turns to meet their step. Forty winds emanate from their robes, painted with the scent of water. Forty songs cascade from their mouths and, though you won't believe me, they sing the opposite of what you hear.

One day, the leader of the Forty said to thirty-nine, "It's time we stopped this walking in place. My legs are tired and my thirst is great, I cannot stand this endless trudging just to make the world turn. It's rest I want, and rest I'll get, and the rest of you can go suck it!"

And so he left, and the world slowed down by a fraction too small for anyone to notice.

For many moons this continued - one by one the Forty departed, until the soul remaining was the only one upon that circadian shore. It was all he could do to keep walking, for, as we all know, the world is too heavy for one person to turn.

"The sun has been up for months," said the Lone Dervish, "The months have turned to years, and the years go on and on as if time itself has stopped. My song sounds hollow without the rest of them. The wind that used to be so sweet is now a dry, cracked parody of what once was. Perhaps I'll rest awhile upon this rock. Yes, for just a moment. No one will mind. No one will care. They never have or ever will."

A sigh escaped his lips as he sat. His shrivelled, calloused toes curled in ecstasy and soon he was dreaming. The moment slowly lasted for a day. The day seemed like a month. The month turned to a year. And, the year went on and on as if time itself had stopped. Nobody noticed, for half the world was asleep and the rest were too busy to care.


At night, downtown Chicago is not dissimilar to a crowded day on the Mongolian Steppes. An umbrella of slate-colored exhalation hovers over the city. A damp chill clings to the spaces between buildings and the sewers belch steam like a dragon after a cold drink. Empty streets, dark windows and the occasional echo of a homeless person's wild ramblings. A certain magic inhabits these towering canyons of steel and glass - a cold, quiet magnitude that one usually finds alone in the empty spaces of a vacant concert hall. It was night in Chicago, and it wouldn't be day until the world turned again.

Apart from random grunts and the occasional burp that escaped Kyle's throat, it was deafeningly silent. He had stumbled around the city for hours (but it seemed like days, and those seemed like years, etc.). A well-worn, ancient-looking bass was strapped to his back and he clutched a bottle of mezcal in his hand. By now, he was indescribably drunk, and had a dim awareness that the city was completely empty. Along with the bottle he "borrowed" from an abandoned convenience store, he had taken a bag of Cheetos and half a gallon of chocolate milk. So, not only was he drunker than a sailor on New Year's Eve, he had indigestion and was covered with a fine orange coating of cheese dust. Many words have been used to describe many people over the centuries. But, never were they more apt than now. In a haze of nausea and disorientation, Kyle collapsed and, for a moment before his head hit the pavement, he gained enlightenment and promptly lost it.


Slowly, Kyle opened his eyes. Above him, the sky had changed to a strange violet hue. Beneath, the cold asphalt had become soft, ivory-colored sand. Waves could be heard crashing gently in the distance. The thought that he had gone to heaven occurred to him, but was quickly dispelled by a familiar voice.

"Kyle!" it called, "is that really you? Lord, am I glad to see you. Where in hell are we?"


And thusly went going just so does the story go, and so it will tomorrow. More to come...

Monday, November 16, 2009


Greetings, Blamers and fan. It’s Kyle here from the Chicago headquarters of our NGBLO (Non-Governmental Blamers Organization). Just finishing up some undergraduate final papers on the Moroccan economy at the old biblio. And when I’m finished with this tomorrow I will proceed straight to Pat’s room to record as many songs as I can before I get on that plane to the Middle East, insha’a Allah.


But I am writing today about something different, oh my brothers and only friends. I perchanced to notice this article in one of its various forms yesterday. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1109/29574.html

As we all know, the Obama administration has been working to close Gitmo, one of the great hate-fueling symbols of American imperialism. And the great state of Illinois, brothers, has offered to the federal government a noble proposition. Governor Quinn and Senators Durbin and Burris have shown their approval for the small town of Thompson to open their cell doors to up to a hundred Gitmo inmates.


According to the Tribune, imprisoning these people in Illinois would bring thousands of jobs and hundreds of millions of dollars to the ruined-forever economy. However, since this is a matter of national security, every Republican in the state has been up in arms about this proposal.


“As home to America's tallest building and her busiest airport, this is not a risk we should impose on Illinois families,” Representative Mark Kirk said.


Kirk, who has taught Advanced Fear Mongering at Peoria Community College should be ashamed of himself for probably thousands of political reasons. But let’s give him props for not spouting the old “but the terrorists will definitely break out of our prisons and rape your mothers and daughters” argument. This argument has been used by countless politicians on both sides of the aisle. It is also a hollow threat because anyone with half a brain knows that our prison system has been pretty air tight since they implemented the 1935 law that says you can’t leave laundry carts unattended.




Representative Kirk chose the “evoke another 9/11” route. And he added the extra flair of having us all imagine the Sears Tower (or Willis Tower now? Big Willie?) attacked by an airplane. Thanks, douche. That probably just bought you about ten thousand fear-votes for 2010. Let’s examine this tautological argument briefly: We can’t jail terror suspects in Illinois because they’ll just attack Chicago. So let’s leave them at Guantanamo, a symbol for the USA, at which point Chicago gets bumped down to third on the hit list.


You’ll notice that Kirk, or any other Illinois GOP rep, never mentions the economy in any of this. See, the economy, to Republicans, is always a separate entity from anything besides tax cuts or privatization. And national security is not something to be taken seriously, it’s just something else that can be used to scare your constituency into voting for you.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Ape Man (Build It Faster)

All that was left was just a simple choice
And I had not been allowed to mate yet
Surely I could've had what I did want
Consider the masters of the school yard I used to know

Build it faster, Start over again
Bring all on hand each and every friend

Everyday that passed that I was still a kid
I got to feel more and more like an ape man
I wish that I was hairy and big and tall and strong
I should've been a challenger maybe got some good grades


copy and paste the URL
http://www.mediafire.com/?tgwdn3gwzzi

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Ambien Is The New Acid

He was asleep when he recorded this!

copy and paste the URL to download... and enjoy

http://www.mediafire.com/?2lmyjombzlv

Monday, November 9, 2009

A Nietzschian Presentiment

The radio quietly spun a crackled web of quiet ululations. We were driving along somewhere in Illinois or Texas. It was a red pickup truck – old and beaten, had character. You had the wheel and I sat passenger side. We had just visited a repair shop filled with rusty parts of old farm equipment and strange antiques from between the Civil War era and the Great Depression. The man there said "about fifteen minutes". We decided not to wait, however, as fate had other things in store for us that mystically calm afternoon. So there we were, driving along that smooth county road. Our intended destination did not matter.

I believe we were heading east but I can't be sure because the sun had literally been discarded by the sky. Well, not really, but the clouds rolled in like wild horses on heroin chasing after the Cherokee god of grace and humility. The sky got dark, Koop. And from the northwest we spied four or six raging, spinning, fearless tornados – darker than the depths of a shower drain in a backwoods jail - and dirtier too. The closest one was a mile away, maybe less. These twisters showed no signs of growing weak and they seemed to be gaining on us. You stepped on the accelerator and we approached an on-ramp to the main interstate. Gridlock! The worst traffic this side of the Dan Ryan!

“Those clear twisters are getting really close to us. It’s them we gotta worry about”, you said. Clear twisters?, I thought. What in the heck are – SHHHWOOOOSH. The concept became straight forward. Clear twisters are real. They are the albino cousins of the black, brown, and gray tornados I had been familiar with; and they are just as destructive. One was currently battling down on our truck. It descended from directly above us. I looked up and saw the faintest outline of a tornado – one constructed only of violently circulating air. Our truck was shaking and the traffic jam made escape impossible. Debris began striking the windshield – perhaps it was the broken glass that made us take flight from our little red sardine can. No, I remember now, it was indeed the deluge that had befallen our forsaken highway. In that moment it was not clear where all that water was flooding in from. At this point in the afternoon, however, dismissing it as an act of God would have been childish. The tornados had probably destroyed a nearby dam.

You and I are strong swimmers, Josh. We were saved from the twisters provided we could keep up with the rapids. To swim against the current was the key to survival as the diluvian tides wanted to bring us back to the destruction behind us. There was a tall tree – or a concrete overpass a few yards ahead of us. It took five minutes to reach and we clung to it, the water grabbing and pulling at our legs. There we meditated upon further ideas.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Jay Wheeler and The Blamers OST: Papi Chulo

In 2008 Jay Wheeler was asked by coworker/film maker, Jonny Diaz, to do the sound track to his new short film "Papi Chulo".

For anyone who doesn't know, Jay Wheeler was then a full time member of The Blamers whose major contributions were the inspirations and co writing of songs "Jimmy", "Mystified", and more. That said, Jay asked me if I wanted to help him out with the project and we ended up putting this wonderful sound track together for "Papi Chulo" which is playing in film festivals around the country as we speak! We are proud to be a part of this movie and thank Jonny Diaz for all the opportunities he's extended to us.

Jay and I put this thing together in our apartment last year using basically whatever random instruments happened to be lying by our feet at the moment and, as so many great songs have grown out of such spontaneous feelings, this sound track is filled with beautiful melodies, rhythms, and textures that otherwise would have been lost with their respective moments...

and now here it is for free!!!


http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=047190bb7054237f36df4e8dca141969cd76a4ba26be212c9b20786b9a6e1ed0

Friday, October 23, 2009

Good Feelings... super imaginative title

hey,
ok, so sorry to anyone who actually downloaded this song yesterday when it was still a piece of shit... but now it's awesome!!! seriously, trust me, and I'm reposting the new version now so get ready for the url, its a comin.

I also deleted the super funny post i had up here too yesterday so lucky you guys who actually got to see it and UNlucky you guys who actually got to hear it.

Anyway, here's the new awesome song!!! I'd tell you more but I really have to go get drunk right now. Cheers!!!

The Blamers "Good Feelings", copy and paste the link to download.

http://www.mediafire.com/?ymwi0zoojdi

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Blamers apple skins!




Our friends at IZOZZI have made us an apple skin for your iphone. Check out their website and buy one!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

im an oniondian, youre an oniondian

hey everyone,
felt like its been too long since i put up any music. this ones kinda like a mix between the dandies and uh... me i guess. geez, what am i talking about? hey blamers and fan! hows it goin? things are pretty swell back here in chicago. im back in school and out of work but im trying so dont worry! aunt mary kay called and said she was coming in with mum next weekend, should be fun. Oh my gosh, i just listened to this old song i did and my voice is fucking horrendous. what a black eye for me. anyway, hope all is well with the kids. drop me a line or come in and visit anytime you want.
yours truly

senor mcfuturepat

heres the new single almost in the can. its called "i broke my shoe again" and i seriously recommend listening on head phones if you dont have nice speakers. download by copying and pasting link:

http://www.mediafire.com/?mzjn5zmiofe

PS this is a new version of the song i uploaded after the original posting.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

More Liberal Bullshit

Tomorrow (9 September) the U.S. Supreme Court will begin to hear arguments for Citizens United v. Federal Elections Commission. The Cornell Law website sums it up nicely:

In Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, the Supreme Court will have to decide whether a ninety-minute video on demand about Hillary Clinton is subject to the financial restrictions and disclosure requirements of the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act or whether the film qualifies for an exemption of either. The Court will need to balance the interest in protecting free speech with that of protecting the public from corruption and improper influence over the election. The decision will have a tremendous impact on not-for-profit organizations that publish these types of documentaries, as well as political candidates. As technology changes and continues to increase the ways in which information is distributed to the masses, cases like this one here, which attempt to define exactly what is to be regulated and how it is done, are becoming increasingly more important.
This case will prove to be interesting because a ruling with Citizens United is liable to open up a floodgate of corporate spending on elections - which today is greatly limited by the McCain-Feingold act - which will have devastating consequences on our democracy. If the Court rules in favor of the Federal Election Commission, however, it could give the government greater control of the nation's news mediums (including the final frontier of the internet).

The fact that the Court picked this case in particular in regards to campaign finance reform is interesting. Given the conservative majority of the Court, one would assume that they will rule on the side of the First Amendment. This gives them the opportunity to allow corporate America to further dominate our politics.

At first glance, this case appears to be one of First Amendment rights and electioneering. On the inside, however, Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission potentially holds another opportunity for rampant neoliberal economic debauchery which is the last thing this country needs during a time of rising unemployment.

Friday, August 14, 2009

How Jeff survived the British Desert and acquired the tentacular violin…


This story is completely true, and we all have one. More to come…

“Two weeks in the desert will change a man,” Jeff muttered, his voice scoured by sun and heat. “Glistening lakes ever in the distance, shimmering silver on the horizon, filled with sweet, cool, life-giving water. They were lies. Lies! The Madness. The Heat. The Sand, woe, always the Sand! Chafing... chafing... chafing..."

The insane fire faded from his eyes and finally he slept like a dog (dreaming of chasing rabbits through endless fields of grass). Jeff had wandered into the Great British Desert not twenty minutes before. The desert, located in Mauritania, is really quite puny, and if the frequent thunderstorms aren’t enough to keep you away, then bear in mind that you can get a pretty nasty sunburn when it isn’t raining.

A shaft of light streamed through a porthole and pierced Jeff in the eyeball. He awoke, shackled to the bulwarks of a Spanish frigate heading for the South Seas. He heard sea chanteys. A skeleton was chained up beside him. And, dear lord, is that a parrot? Suddenly he realized this predicament was entirely too cliché. Breaking the chains, but leaving the bulwarks relatively unharmed, he battled his way to the main deck and dove into the sea, declaring, “I don’t know how to swim!”

It wasn’t long before he was thrown up on the barnacled shores of a giant’s armpit. Palm trees grew from a thick, sweaty mat of hair and Birds of Paradise nested there. For days he roamed savannahs and glens, for grass had grown where skin should be. And, in a moment of complete cosmic psychosis, the giant exploded, and Jeff was launched high into the air.

In many ways, Jeff’s life is best described as a series of massive explosions…

The mystery of how the tentacular violin came into being is… a mystery. All anyone knows, and that includes Jeff, is that one day he arrived at band practice, opened his case, and gasped (For over an hour. One long inhalation, causing a massive low pressure system that still lingers somewhere over the Atlantic). The old violin had been replaced with one carved from the tentacular hook of a giant squid. With reverence that even the Pope would find awe-inspiring, Jeff’s trembling hand reached out and grasped the object. He took the bow and slowly drew it across the glimmering calcium filaments that stretched across the instrument. The violin was silent. Then, imperceptively, a tremulous note sang out. A primal scream escaped Jeff’s lips. His left brain fled, and his right brain left, leaving him in the middle with nothing but the most celestial instrument he had ever seen.

Thankfully, Jeff managed to piece together the semblance of a mind. Practice continued as usual. And, though the spectacular tentacular violin has yet to define its true origins, no one in their right mind, or their left, dared question where Jeff got it.

And thusly went going just so did the story go, and so it is today.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Taco Supreme

Today Sonia Sotomayor took the judicial oath and was sworn into the Supreme Court of the United States. If you've been watching Fox news or listening to Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh, you know that Justice Sotomayor is an extreme left wing radical activist and racist, who hates white people and is most likely a communist lesbian. Of course these days you can barely hear those allegations over the taunts of paid Republic protestors at town hall meetings who have descended upon this country like a swarm of effigy burning locusts. But I digress. Today is not for them; it is for Justice Sotomayor whose historic nomination should put the Court into perspective of the bleary eyes of the American people.

Most of our fellow Americans cannot name one member of the Supreme Court - let alone all nine - nor do they understand the radical shift the court has taken in their lifetimes. The shift I am referring to is not one to the left spurred by the presence of Justice Sotomayor but rather a dramatic shift to the right in the past thirty years, one which was intensified during W's administration with the appointments of Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito - both of whom are grade A, blue ribbon, God-fearin neo-cons. To understand the Court's shift in politics, consider this: Justice Sotomayor replaced David Souter, a liberal by today's standards but who was appointed by H. W. Bush and considered to be conservative back in the early 90s.

After H.W. nominated Clarence Thomas (who is so right wing that he was the only dissent in Safford Unified School District v. Redding, which involved the unnecessary strip search of a 13-year-old girl by several school officials) Souter moved towards the middle of the Court. By the time Roberts became Chief Justice, Souter was consistently voting with the liberal wing, such as his dissent on Gonzales v. Oregon, which ruled that the prescription of medication for assisted suicide is unconstitutional, and Gonzales v. Carhart, which upheld W's partial-birth abortion ban.

Another prime example of the Court's shift is Justice John Paul Stevens. Justice Stevens, who grew up in Chicago, was nominated by Republican President Gerald Ford. Today, however, Justice Stevens is considered to be the most liberal Justice on the Court, and will not retire until he's sure his replacement will not be another Antonin Scalia or Samuel Alito. What does it mean when a Justice once considered to be conservative has to wait for a Democratic President and Congress in order to retire? This illustrates that what was once the conservative right is now the middle, and what was once the left is now languishing in the dissenting opinions for the majority of split cases. Justice Stevens, by the way, wrote the dissenting opinion -and quite a passionate one at that - in Bush v. Gore, which is often cited as the worst mistake the Court has made since Dred Scott.

As much as the neo-cons bitch and moan about Justice Sotomayor, she almost certainly will not be as liberal as Justice Thurgood Marshall, the first black member of the Supreme Court.

But her presence will be no less valuable. However, the replacement of Souter with Sotomayor will have but a minimal impact on the outcome of future cases. Until President Obama or perhaps future Democratic Presidents have the opportunity to replace the ultra-conservative wing of the Court, it will remain - like Congress - skewed to the right of regular Americans. Sotomayor's appointment isn't so much as step in the right direction as it is a pivot - so let's all thank God it's not another step in the wrong direction.
Just so nobody has to look on wikipedia, here is a list of the current Court - I've divided up the members into "liberal" and "conservative". Enjoy.
Conservative:
Roberts
Scalia
Alito
Thomas
Kennedy (swing)
Liberal:
Sotomayor
Stevens
Ginsberg
Breyer

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Caitlin's Bday!

We recently celebrated our manager Caitlin's birthday. Bear Witness:

Ps. We are now on LAST FM. Go listen to us!







Photos from the Studio!

So, we have some great news. Our friend, the legendary Nik Lund, has offered to help us record the rest of the tracks for our debut LP. Nik works downtown at Piano Forte, located in the Fine Arts Building. Since he is our formidable equal in nocturnality, he has offered us near free-reign of the building's 10 floors every day after 6. We have only just begun recording, but can already tell that the place is magic. The entire building, which was built in 1880, is a veritable labyrinth of artist studios and rare instrument merchants. I am pretty sure its at least moderately haunted and the acoustics are fantastic! We are even going to use the concert pianos in the ballroom and I really want to record some background vocals in the creepy bathroom on the sixth floor... the options are endless! Anyway, we will keep you guys updated with the continued development of the record and upload some pics, too. Here is the first batch, they aren't great, but they will have to do:




Our new nocturnal home







A Typical haunted hallway


The local fauna



the mandolin recording solitary confinement booth



In other news: Word on the street is that we are prepping to release a series of limited edition 7 inch singles before we unleash our LP unto the world. We neither confirm nor deny this accusation.. and instead choose to smile slyly and continue our underhanded musical scheming. bwahahaha.

J

Fiery Furnaces Release

Fiery Furnaces Release "Silent" Record

Shared via AddThis

We should definitely host a "happening"

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Keep It Down In Your Head EP

I just recorded this stuff on my computer. I'm trying to prove the point that music created on your computer is just as cool as music that people(some) used to record on cassettes in cheap little four-track tape recorders years ago. Although *four-tracks are far less efficient and retro at this point, which is exactly why they seem awesome to all hipster kids around, they can still be used to create heartfelt and striking music. This was recorded in a fraction of the time it would have taken to record on an old tape recorder but with almost the same lack of overall quality. Indeed, the only factor present setting this apart from any recording made by some idiot sixteen year old is the fact that I'm twenty four. Analogue Forever!

"The Keep It Down Your Head EP"

1. Keep It Down Your Head
2. Spirit Journey

Copy links to url thing and download for free!!!

track 1:

http://www.mediafire.com/?m1nnwyticqy

track 2:

http://www.mediafire.com/?yjjomdcm0wm

Friday, July 10, 2009

How Kyle fathomed the ancient bass and saved the cotton ball industry…

This story is completely true, and we all have one. More to come…

Kyle is often heard saying, “I am the most humble person in the entire world. Ever.” This is backed up by 3,198 pages of his own painstaking research. Should you choose to read the second footnote of the 341st page of his Introduction, you will know this:

In the year 1743, the greatest Portuguese explorer named Fitzgeraldo discovered a long lost civilization of mini pygmies, living deep in the Amazon jungle. They were so short that their entire civilization fit inside what he described as “some sort of gourd.” It was actually the most monumental structure they had ever built, and was also a working electric bass. We may never know how such tiny people accomplished this feat, but sometimes you can hear their high-pitched, little voices when Kyle plays*.

Knowledge of the bass’s function was lost for many years, and most people simply pointed and laughed when they saw it. Indeed, Kyle himself believed it was a yellow fin tuna, a hockey stick and an alarm clock at multiple stages of his life. His confusion was unlike that of a normal person. For example, one afternoon his roommate went out to buy bread, leaving him in the living room staring at the ancient object. He was found three hours later hanging upside down from a tree, mumbling about hockey clocks and alarm fin tuna.

Inevitably, the bass became self-aware and hatched a plan to corner the market on cotton balls – the takeover of Kyle’s very mind was Phase One of its dastardly plan. Soon, the whole cotton ball industry would be forced to kneel and scrape to its every whim. All hope was lost, but… the bass hadn’t counted on Kyle’s obstinacy. On the battleground of his consciousness they engaged in mental combat, the shape of which could not be described by geometry. The fate of his mind, and that of the world, or at least modern swabbing, hung in the balance. Fortunately, Kyle was able to soundly thrash the bass by repeatedly slamming its psychic projection into his own cerebral cortex.

Afterwards, all was forgiven, but Kyle still made the bass sign surrender documents stipulating four hundred years of unquestioning fealty and adoration, which the bass is currently serving out.

And thusly went going just so did the story go, and so it is today.

* “Why?!? WHYYYY!?!?” and “Please, pass the maple syrup,” and “Turn the volume down, it’s 3 o’clock in the fucking morning!!!”

Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Magic Number for a Suicide


Salut faithful readers

Here is one from the vaults that Future Pat and I wrote a few years back.

Hope ya injoy it.

J

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=3b21565c6547fca3a0f2f20c509059d9e04e75f6e8ebb871

Thursday, June 25, 2009

How Molly defeated Balthazar and gained the gypsy voice…


This story is completely true, and we all have one. More to come…

Molly was born human, which may come as a shock, especially since her parents were rare Irkutsk Hummingbirds made of copper wire and green tinsel. Once every seventeen years, their entire population would descend from the lower troposphere to nest on Russia’s eastern seaboard. Molly’s birth had been accompanied by a double eclipse, when the sun is covered by the moon twice, and some say this might have been what caused her peculiar defect, namely being born human.

For a long time, she didn’t know what her arms were for, and the other hummingbirdlings would tease her. Especially one of them…that bastard.

The rest of Molly’s tale is a little hazy, not much is known about the most exciting events of her life, but suffice to say they are filled with intrigue, adventure, a little action, romance, some comedy, perhaps some dancing in unison with large groups of people.

The story of how she gained the gypsy voice occurred after she met a demon in the form of an accountant named Balthazar. Molly realized immediately that Balthazar was not who he said he was and told him that not only was he a slime sucking demon from hell, he needed a shower and had bad taste in clothes as well. For more than a decade they battled in the darkest depths of the deepest dankest caverns, causing much tectonic plate movement and the formation of the Adirondacks, which happened with such speed and force that the whole event traveled back in time. In the end, Molly triumphed, but not without totally exhausting herself and getting really, really tired.

For seven months after all of that, Molly toured East Asia with the Bovalt Circus. There, she met an old gypsy fortune teller who sheltered her and taught her how to shapeshift.

“I see in your future,” the old gypsy muttered over a glass of tea one day, “quite a few dried, crumbled leaves and lots of hot water.”

Within three minutes, the magnificent old lady had packed up her caravan, and was on the road, as gypsy’s are prone to do. But, at two hundred yards she stopped, drew a slingshot and fired a ruby down Molly’s throat, the jewel containing a hundred silver tones and bells of a Roma orchestra. The shriek that was trying to push its way up her throat met the gem going down. Particle bonded with sound in an explosion of sub-molecular pan-vibrational energy, creating a voice that hearkened back to the days before Pharaohs, and foretold the second coming of Zoroaster.

And thusly went going just so did the story go, and so it is today.

Friday, June 19, 2009

How Pat tamed the fountain pen and rode off into the sunset...

This story is completely true, and we all have one. More to come…

The pen was a fountain. But for ink it used a certain combination of base and acid, which was more or less water. When you placed this liquid on paper, invisible words would appear and disappear at random, intentionally forming no sense at all. When Pat came upon this self-propelling machine of non-purpose, he immediately saw the potential that it held. He tried to put the pen to use by writing the most comprehensive study of humankind ever written from the perspective of a dragonfly. Sometimes the words would flow like something that flows really well, and at other times they didn’t. In frustration, he threw up.

Next, he decided that he would consult his brother Jeff. This had to be done in secret, in order to protect Jeff’s identity…but that is another story. In the end, he couldn’t think of anything that would solve the problem, and suggested that Pat become a hermit in Mauritania to think this over.

“I suggest you go become a hermit in Mauritania,” said Jeff, “to think this over.”

“No,” said Pat. “That is a terrible idea.”

In desperation, Pat finally discarded the pen. He threw it away with such enthusiasm that a nearby blacksmith was inspired do something that no smithy has ever done: a job for free (most people will agree that smithies are stingy). He took the pen, and worked it over. Bending and tweaking. Hammering, breaking, twisting it here and folding there, until he forged a guitar the likes of which had never been seen. He strung it with fragments of statues and cast a pick out of an eagle's beak. Then, one night, he left it on Pat’s doorstep. Actually, he just put it on the floor outside the door. Because apartments don’t have doorsteps.

A breeze stirred the guitar’s strings, and they sang out in a frequency that Pat’s oddly shaped ears are particularly suited for hearing. He rushed to the door and upon seeing the pen his hair stood on end and shot out of his head and imbedded themselves in the ceiling. His nose spontaneously combusted. And he suddenly realized for the first time that he was not double jointed. Thinking it an appropriate moment, he commandeered a horse and rode off into the sunset. He later admitted this was a mistake, because it was a long ride back and he had only minimal equestrian experience.

And thusly went going just so did the story go, and so it is today.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

.2

1. "hehehe." that's what my x just emoted to me after she told me about her "mr. booty call". Eew puke.

2. My good friend, band manager extraordinaire, Caitlin Maire Gorman, told me that the link for that song I posted didn't work. I checked it out and she was right. I forgot to save it as an mp3 and I was going to apologize but then I realized that not one person tried to download it so... nevermind, I guess, right?

3. Surprise! Here it is anyway in working format, enjoy all you legions of self flagellating fans. Worship your God!

4. I am the sun!

5. The song is called "I'll Do Anything", but might come up as "House on a Hill". "House on a Hill" is not the correct title and anyone henceforth who believes the title of the aforementioned song to be "House on a Hill" shall be forever wrong and misinformed.

6. Copy and paste the URL to the bar at the top of your web browser and download away, please.

7. Mrs. Jenkins then posted the link for the song and published the blog entry.



Copy the link:
http://www.mediafire.com/?jdznyxtioz4

Monday, June 15, 2009

How I got the monk's trumpet and escaped a fate of clamdiggery...

This story is completely true, and we all have one. More to come...

When I was 12 years old, my family visited Greece. The original plan was to leave me there, to make my life among the clamdiggers and farmers. But, a few days before their departure, we took a hike up Mt. Olympus. It was there that I met Lao Tzu's envoy to Zeus, and escaped a fate of clamdiggery.

I was walking up the path, when I heard a voice say, "Kindly remove your foot from my face."

The holy man looked like a hillock of mud when I first stumbled upon him, for he had been sitting in the same place for so long that flowers sprouted from his wrinkles and his skin had turned to soil.

For three hours he talked at me of his beliefs and adventures. Before becoming a monk, he had been the greatest trumpet player in Bollywood, rivaling Miles Davis in vision, and Cootie Williams in soul. He played with The Beatles, and opened their minds. He claimed to be the only player ever to hit the quadruple C.

Being a polite person, I believed every word he said, though I knew he was lying. Sensing my doubt, he reached into the earth and uprooted a trumpet. I was blinded. The sun glinted off its surface, and diamonds spilled out of its bell. He placed the mouthpiece to his lips, and a single golden tone echoed from the mountainside. It was heard as far away as Tripoli, and began the second Renaissance. Deafened and blind, I groped for the instrument. Though I couldn't see my fingers, nor could I hear the sound, I smelled the most beautiful melody since Henry Longbutter played for the King of France in 1776. When I regained my senses, the holy man had disappeared, morphosed back into dirt. But in my hand I held the monk's trumpet, a hammer made of brass.

And thusly went going just so did the story go, and so it is today.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

.

Hey guys,
Here's one fresh out of my hungover-ass head.
Love,
FP

Copy link to URL bar:

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=047190bb7054237f36df4e8dca14196930ac330d829ae39e5be6ba49b5870170

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Malkmus God Cometh

Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks are playing at the Bottom Lounge (on Lake Street in Chicago) on July 2nd. The mind explodes with excitement so I'll just post a picture of him playing a guitar that looks suspiciously like my bass.





And here's a link to the music video for Gardenia, which I find tearfully beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-64FTeOZvk

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Holy Shit (literally?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLoOD-m610U&feature=channel_page

For or Against?

Shakitsnandabotoradacakazikstan!!!!

Monday, June 1, 2009

.



Anyone else have brothers who pick their noses?

Thursday, May 28, 2009

konnichiwaaaaa b*tch*s

well hello! fancy meeting you here. my proper name is Miss Morida Mai San Sensei which is nihongo for Molly Shanahan, dancing hummingird, MBA. But you can call me Doll. I think that's sexy. No wait don't, i might accidentaly punch you in the face.

O, and i don't actually have my MBA yet but part of the reason i'm writing right now is cuz i've come upon some most excellent realizations after vocal rehearsal tonight. (and the other reason is cuz i'm keeping myself from crying over the loss of Future Pat to the evil corporate clutches of the Detroit 8-mile, or is it 9...or some shit?) anyway, I will have my MBA soooon!

so as i sit and google search the how to of my recent job assignment on team Za Buremazu (The Blamers, in Japanese...i can't stop saying it, gomenasai) I discovered an entire career path: Accounting for Music Arts and Entertainment (MBA!). WORD. and so i googled where one might aquire such a degree...Columbia U. hmmm....are there any jobs available to finance my degree for me (and team Buremazu)
....ha@i.love.life.seriously.net ;P
(it's affirmative, in case you didn't catch that)

YAY! spring has officially sprung in my blamery lil heart and i can't wait to get workin on all these grand schemes this summer as well as those Lucamotive wrote about in the earlier blog regarrrrdin The Great James Hotel Convention of `09. i also honestly can't wait to incorporate my two new very useful crafts i'm about to develop:
burlesque rock and professional MUA (that's make-up artist in mai world). they go hand-in-hand, really.

so now that i've got it all sorted out and i'm about to get my beauty rest so i can get to work and function like a normal human being for once tomorrow, i ask you this...*

who shall my first burlesque rock persona be?
Lieka Kitty Ivantit
The Dread Pirate Hori Mori
????? ?? ??? ?????

*as determined by the bylaws of theblamers, llc the winning entry shall claim two (2) tickets to The Blamers show of Mai choosing.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Remembering Victor Jara


Upon my daily procrastination rituals, I came across this headline on the BBC: Charge over Chile singer's death.





Thirty-six years ago this September 11th, the CIA planned and carried out a coup d'etat in Chile against democratically elected socialist president Salvador Allende. The repurcussions of this insidious act, ordered by Richard Nixon, can still be felt today, as what followed the coup was a virtual blood bath of artists, poets and musicians thought to be simpathetic to Allende's Marxist government. Victor Jara was among tens of thousands of Chileans ordered killed by U.S. backed dictator General Augusto Pinochet.


Victor Jara was the founder of Chile's Nuevo Cancion movement. Here is a video of him playing one of his most popular songs "El Cigarrito".



The BBC article reports that Jara's killer, one of Pinochet's henchmen, has been charged with his murder. But the two men that were actually responsible for this horrific bit of American history , U.S. President Richard Nixon and then CIA director Richard Helms, spent the rest of their lives without being brought to justice.

Brain words

I must have been overwhelmed by the opulence of the James Hotel when I agreed to write this week's entry (yes, we are supposed to have weekly entries...) Caitlin, our manager, said that we needed to start taking more responsibility in the band, because she's been working so hard for us that she's barely had time to take care of her dog, Jaeger. She just pours a few weeks' worth of dog food in the middle of her living room.

To intimidate us into accepting our responsibilities, she reserved a table at a hoity-toity downtown hotel. I walked in (half an hour late, as usual, and under-dressed; I felt like a commoner) to see Pat wearing a smoking jacket and cravat, speaking in a lowland accent. Molly was sipping a pomegranate mintini, and Jeff was reading a copy of Faulkner's Sound and the Fury.

The first 15 minutes of the meeting was spent trying to get Kyle to shut up. We decided that since he has no computer or sense of deadlines, he should handle all the online postings about our gigs. I volunteered for the blog, thinking this was going to be the easiest job. But, it is turning out to be more difficult than I had ever imagined. It is so hard to make brain words right now. I'm writing one letter at a time.

(That last paragraph caused me excruciating pain and took over three hours to write. And afterwards I had to go to the hospital - brain explosion.... Anyhow, I'm much better now, thanks to my record-breakingly thick skull)

Before I end this, I just wanted to give you something to think about: the Moon... For or Against?

Monday, May 18, 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_PMWfhJH1w&NR=1

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Videos from Martyrs' Show

Hola

Here are three videos courtesy of my lil bro Mickey from our show last night at Martyrs'. Thanks to everyone who came to see us-- we had a blast and really appreciate all the support.

J

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNkNOKn1Ecs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXW_SjMUkS4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtErefLKcRk

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

for eddie

direct from the annuls of british literature... this one's for you, sci fi eddie!

taken to space
(copy and paste link)
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?zwoyggnytnn

Monday, May 4, 2009

Blackout


Today, our power got turned off. I tried to make coffee, but the coffee pot wouldn't turn on. I then moved said pot to another outlet, but to no avail. I suddenly realized I had to pee, but the lights were broken in the bathroom. I checked the apartment building's hallway to see if the lights were on. They were. It was only my apartment that was thrust into the Medieval era. I set some old newspapers on fire in the sink and tried to boil some water to pour over the coffee grinds in my Vietnamese coffee making set. Guess I should drink the milk before it goes bad.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Why luke is "funny"

Note to reader: This email was received by members of the Blamers on April the 9th the year of our lord Aught Nine. We had to share it.


Ok, first of all I would like to not take any responsibility for what I write here, because I've been at work for 8 hours, and I'm going slightly mad. Secondly, I think a practice on Sunday would be fine. And also practice on Monday is ok, and, of course, Weds is ok, and in the meantime let's practice on Tuesday as well. Also, I heard about a practice space that is at the Ashland stop of the Green line, and it goes for 360 a month, which is not cheaper than what we pay at Fabien's. Why did I think that it was? So disregard what I just wrote, because that makes no sense. I need to brush up on my addition. Or maybe I should just learn to multiply. Of course I've been capable of that since puberty AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OK, if you're still with me here, then you have pursued this email to the utmost, when of course you should have realized that the most important part was at the beginning when I said I could come to practice on Sunday. But respect to you, I am very impressed at your dedication to the time I wasted on this. See, we are now wasting time together. Isn't this great? OK, I should probably apologize. I didn't mean for this to be this long, but it just keeps going and going, and I promised myself that I was just going to see where this went and not erase anything. So... Mucca Pazza, right? Kyle you missed out, you sick motherfucker. That was a fun show. Anyhow... I would write more but I will stop. Because you're probably looking at yourself thinking, what is this stupid shit? Well, first of all, I resent the fact that you think my writing is stupid and fecal. What kind of bandmates would say that? I hate you all... That's not true. You are all great, in a mediocre sort of way. The mediocre part is an understatement, and the great part is what you should remember about yourself, you self-centered sonuvabitch. (did you notice how the swearing increased exponentially as this letter went on?)
-Luke

Thursday, April 23, 2009

This is it, the big time....

Trust me, my eyes are as wide as yours with anticipation. We've landed. Your widened eyes are beginning to give me flying implications so I'll try to keep this short. Now gather 'round and I'll tell you what's what. My name is Future Pat. I play guitar in The Blamers. I probably won't be the only one posting here so you can look forward to future introductions.

As a gift from me to you, I'd like to present you all with an offering. "What is it?", you ask. It's an mp3! Download away and don't ever say I never did anything for you.

here it is!
let me know if it doesn't work, i've ne'er tried this before.

http://www.mediafire.com/?x2yhyjjdmth

(copy the link onto the url bar up top)